I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize
