I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
