Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
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