He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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