She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Randomize
