bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
BRING THE BAGELS
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
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