So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
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