and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
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