That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Randomize
