I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Randomize
