CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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