Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
You dont lie about slip and slides
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
