Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Randomize
