I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize
