If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
