why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
I yelled at your uterus for you.
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