no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
I feel great
I just peed on a car
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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