We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
I think I sprained my soul last night
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Randomize
