Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
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