so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
