I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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