You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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