I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
