Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
i dont even know how to be here
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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