Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Randomize
