he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
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