I will die if light touches me.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
