who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
