wat bout pragnant strippers??
also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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