I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
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