is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Randomize
