How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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