Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Randomize
