So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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