If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
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