I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Randomize
