Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
Quick, to the slutcave!
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Randomize
