Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
