Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
