How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
