she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
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