The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Randomize
