I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
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