Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
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