White coat. Heels.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
