I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
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