So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Randomize
