Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
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