we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
