Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
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