I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
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