i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize