i permit you to call me
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
