Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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