so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
