Soap is not a condiment
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
