i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
