question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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