I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
