Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Even my vagina gasped.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
dude. I can hear the air.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
