Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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