Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
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