so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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