If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
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I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
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She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
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