fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Randomize