Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Randomize
