True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
If I die, sorry about rent.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
You left your phone here
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