butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
