Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
