Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
