I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
