Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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