I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Randomize
