i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Randomize
